All production photos featured on this page are from Edinburgh Fringe 2011. 

  • Production photography by Robert Day. 
  • Click on underlined sections For links to script extracts. 
  • For cast details go to bottom of page.

SCENE ONE

Duke Theseus is about to marry R&B diva "Queen" Hip-hoppolyta. Pre wedding stress is already making  the "CIAIO" magazine photoshoot fraught for the bride-to-be. No sooner has Hip-Hoppolyta been calmed down than the "happy couple" are interrupted by the appearance of an old family friend, Egeus, who begs for help in taming his wild-child daughter, Hermia. Hermia has refused point-blank to marry a young man,  Demetrius, that her parents think is perfect for her. Egeus begs the Duke to lay down the law, and Theseus reluctantly agrees to a meeting with the girl....

THESEUS: Well… make an appointment.

 

EGEUS:                                           Oh, no need for that

 (Yells) Hermia! – HERMIA!!  Sweetheart! Come right in!....



Hermia swaggers in. She doesn't make a good first impression ... and the reason for her reluctance to marry Demetrius is soon made clear - she has already in love - with Zander Zee, a humble club  DJ. Egeus is horrified. A  father -daughter row quickly develops . 

Finally, Duke Theseus runs out of patience. He delivers an ultimatum: either Hermia marries her parents' chosen suitor, Demetrius, or she'll be sent to a convent: 

No boys, no late nights. no designer tags

That’ll wipe the surly sneer from off your face.

You’ll wear a veil, young lady! Nun – or bride? -

I’ll give you till tomorrow to decide.

Even Egeus is shocked by the severity of it. Hermia runs off in floods of tears.


SCENE TWO

Meanwhile, in an Athenian back street, a group of hapless wannabe rappers - Dog, As-Bo, Sex-O-Fone and the flatulence-prone Bad-Ass - are ready to give up. They have no gigs, no record deal and no hope. Plus they are forced to rehearse in a cluttered, fume laden garage. They are about to disband in recrimination and acrimony when their manager, Quincy, arrives with a lifeline. She has managed t o blag the crew a slot at the Royal wedding festivities. But instead of their usual raw, mean-streets rap-rants, she has something more original in mind...

The crew are reluctant at first, but the promise of backstage perks wins them over, and they agree to meet in the Royal Park at Midnight for high-security rehearsals...

QUINCY: Brothers… Dogs, if you will – tonight, we make musical history!

SEX-O-FONE (Unconvinced): Yeah… like the Titanic made shipping history!


SCENE THREE

Hermia has raced to meet Zander. She tells him about Duke Theseus' ultimatum. Zander pledges 100% support for his boo.  Rather than face either of the alternatives offered, Hermia proposes that they elope together...

After some initial reluctance, Zander agrees, but then the pair are interrupted by the arrival of Hermia's ex-best friend, Helena....

Helena is upset. She and Demetrius were an item until, as she sees it, Hermia got her hooks into him. Hermia tries to convince Helena that she did everything in her power to put Demetrius off.  After all, she already has her man - Zander.  

In an attempt to reassure Helena that she'll get Demetrius back, Hermia lets her in on the secret that she and Zander are eloping. As she says: 

"It’s like this - once I’m hitched and any hope 

Of hooking up with me is dead and gone

Demetrius will trot right back to you

Just like a puppy, yeah? [...] 

Just give him a week to clear his mind of…. this.

You’ll get Demetrius back – No worries, Sis!"

Hermia and Zander go their separate ways, agreeing to meet at midnight in the Royal Park before hitting the freedom road. But Helena now knows their meeting place, and sees a chance to get Demetrius to come to his senses and return to her loving arms....

She takes out her mobile phone, and begins to text her ex.. After all, as she says:

It’s wrong, I know – but if he sees the light,
One little wrong gets me my Mr. Right!. 


SCENE FOUR

In the Royal Park, Puck, chauffeur & gopher to Elf King Byron, is busy clearing a spot for the Boss and his crew to kick back and chill for the moonlight hours when the Park becomes and Elfin realm. But he is distracted by the arrival of Cobweb, one of the Faerie "Ladeez" of Queen Tanya's posse. Puck tries all his best moves on Cobweb - without success...

Puck's master and Cobweb's mistress are married, but have had a massive bust-up over a changeling child that Tanya has adopted without consulting Byron. Too late, Puck and  Cobweb realise that their respective bosses are heading for the same spot on a collision course! 


  In no time, Byron and Tanya are soon having a public spat, egged on by their respective crews. Tanya tries to calm the situation down, but Byron's idea of a compromise is her doing things his way. Tanya refuses to give up "Li'l Prinz", the changeling boy. Not only that, but she manages to make Byron look foolish in front of his crew.  When Tanya and her "Ladeez" turn on their heels and leave to find somewhere else to chill, Byron sends away all his crew but Puck. He vents his anger: 

                                   "She dissed me, Dog – 

That cannot stand. I’m down for some revenge

Now listen up -"




Byron instructs Puck to find a plant with certain magical qualities.

Left alione, Byron promises to make Tanya pay for her disrespect in an angry rap.

Suddenly, Byron hears mortal voices. At first he is irritated that Mortals are in the Park at the time of night that it should become the Elf-King's "hood". But then he hears words that pique his curiosity: 

I hate you. Don’t you get it?
so he stays to eavesdrop, while remaining invisible to the mortals...

 Helena appears, this time preceded by Demetrius, who is even more against her than ever, since she's dragged him out here with the express intention of upsetting him by showing his beloved Hermia running off with another boy. He tries hard to explain just what a fool's errand she's on trying to get him back. He leaves, but she follows, still clinging to the hope of a reconcilliation.

Byron feels some sympathy with the poor, rejected Helena. When Puck returns, The elf King instructs his minion to find Demetrius, make him sleep, and then use the  magic plant  to make him fall in love with Helena:

Shirt thinks he’s all dat? We’ll see... we’ll see...

Shorty! I’m payback King – you stick with me!

 SCENE FIVE

Queen Tanya and her Faeries have found a new spot to chill in, but Tanya is dejected over the breakdown of her relationship with Byron. The "Ladeez" are supportive 

They bring in "Li'l Prinz" - Tanya's adopted changling boy -to try and cheer up their Queen with his dancing. 






It lifts her mood a little, but not enough. Sadly, Tanya dismisses her "Ladeez" to enjoy their evening, and leave her alone with her gloomy mood:

TANYA: You go and party. I’ll rest in this glade. 

Don’t let my sadness rain on your parade.





 SCENE SIX

Byron - told by his spy Puck where Tanya has gone, arrives to find her sleeping. He puts the plant's  extract on her sleeping eyelids while chanting a rap incantation:

Go to sleep yo,

Count sheep yo,
While I get busy with my herbal hypno!
You blown it – Gonna make you own it..

I’mma  boss here – an’ it’s time you were shown it!

I’m gonna mess with your affection

Start your heart in a whole new direction

Sleep well boo, cos whenever you wake up.

You be getting’ a major shake-up!


He leaves, confident that the magic will do its work when Tanya wakes: 

  SCENE SEVEN

Hermia and Zander have got themselves lost in the woods. Frustration swiftly boils over into jealosy, and it looks for a moment as if their elopement plans might be might scuppered before they even start..

However, the two love-birds manage to get back on track. They decide to sleep until daylight, when they will see their way  more clearly... 

Cobweb - still being stalked by the ever hopeful Puck, stumbles on the sleeping Zander & Hermia. Puck assumes that Zander is the mortal Byron wanted him to use the plant juice on. He annoints Zander's eyes and says an incantation:

Don’t wanna mess with a bright sprite - 

Not on a night like this night

I’m gonna mess with your eyes, right....

By the time he's done this, Cobweb has made good her escape. Puck follows, seeing her disappearance as further proof of her interest in him! 

 So, fairy… (she's gone) Ah - I see what’s going down!

She wants to play at “chase me”. Man, this chick

Has got it bad! 

 Still searching for her lost Demetrius, Helena now happens on the clearing, and stumbles - literally - on Zander, waking him. Thanks to the magic plant, the moment he sees Helena, Zander is - to her dismay - completely smitten.

Nothing she says will put him off, even with Hermia sleeping a few feet away. When she runs, he follows:

You’ll come around. You’ll see my love is true

So, ‘till you love me back – I’ll stick like glue!!

 SCENE EIGHT

The rappers have assembled in the wood to rehearse,  but now they've read Quincey's "Rappera" script, they are not keen. they decide to present a united front. But Quincey has a trick or two up her sleeve.... 

 

Casting throws up more arguments, but finally all casting matters are resolved, and the crew begin to rehearse. They haven't got far when a mischievous Puck passes by. He has a bit of fun being an unseen irritant to them, and Quincy begins to get a bad feeling: 

You know this place is beginning to make me feel uneasy... I feel someone’s watching me, and listening to every word I say, and well… being a teacher, it’s not a feeling I’m very familiar with. 

When Dog suggests that the woods at night are given over to the elven people, Bad-Ass mocks her for believing in such "hot air". Puck decides it's time to teach this non-believer a lesson...  


 So, when Bad-Ass needs to answer the call of nature: 

BAD-ASS: Ah, Quince -  can I just go into the bushes and …. .. well… go into the bushes.

QUINCY: Does it have to be now?

BAD-ASS: Rehearsals make me nervous! 

QUINCY: Why didn’t you go before?

BAD-ASS: I wasn’t nervous before.

DOG: Well hurry up, or you’ll be nervous all down your leg, Dog!

Puck sees his chance. When Bad-Ass returns, the group are alarmed to see him with the head of a donkey!!

 His fellow rappers are terrified by Bad-Ass's tranformation: 

AS-BO: Oh my days. 

SEX-O-FONE: What did you do, man?

DOG:  Your face! 

AS-BO: And them ears! What happened to you, man?

QUINCY: It’s some kind of curse. 

SEX-O-FONE: Or a real bangin’ allergy!

They all run away, leaving Bad Ass alone. He tries to keep his spirits up by singing, and his dreadful "donkey-singing" wakes Tanya,  who has been sleeping nearby. Of course, thanks to Byron's potion, the moment she sees Bad-Ass, she falls in desperately in love with him. 

  At first, Bad-Ass is bewildered. Then he can't believe his luck...

TANIA: Oh, exquisite… Oh now be still my heart

My soul took sudden wing,  flew to the stars

High-hovered, then plunged back to be submerged

In those deep pools of comfort, and deep love….


BAD-ASS: Are you talking to me, lady?

 

TANIA: Who else is in the world but you and I?

 

BAD-ASS: Well there are my friends I was telling you about…

 

TANIA: Shhh, shhh.. No words now. If your lips should move,

I only want them moving nearer mine….

  

 In her altered state , it seems,  even Bad Ass's trademark flatulence is attractive to her. 

Bad Ass is finally convinced by Tanya's declarations of love, and allows her to lead him to her bower....

 SCENE NINE

Waking to find her Zander gone, Hermia has set off in search of him, and found Demetrius instead. She accuses Demetrius of doing some harm to her lover - a suggestion that Demetrius strenuously denies - once he understands the accusation.  He suggests instead that Zander just might have changed his mind about elopement. Hermia is having none of that. She leaves Demetrius alone, and it becomes clear that he still carries a torch for her, in spite of all her rebuffs...

Byron and Puck have been on hand to see all this exchange. Byron recognizes Demetrius as the young man Puck was supposed to have treated with the potion to make him fall in love with Helena:

He got it bad. But for the wrong damn girl -

Byron sends Puck to bring Helena back, while he casts the love spell on Demetrius.... 

Sleep tight, yo

Thass right yo.

A little drop of this’ll make you see things right, yo.

Cos when you’re wakin’

And days breakin’

A look at that lady’s gonna leave you shakin..

Her face, her waist, her eyes

Her lips, her hips, her taste, her thighs

Her touch, her talk, her Ooh, ker-ching

Brotha gonna love her everything

Sleep now, sleep now,

Sleep now - cos tomorrow be a hell of a day.

Sleep now, sleep now

You gonna see that woman in a whole new way….


 Puck returns, but there's a slight problem...

PUCK: Er.. Boss.

BYRON:                    What’s crackin’, Dog - that Helena here?

PUCK: She’s here, but..

BYRON:                      But? Don’t like the sound of “but”.

Helena appears, with the loved-up Zander clinging to her... She's still trying to get rid of him, claiming Demetrius as the one boy she's interested in. Just as Zander is pointing that Demetrius is no longer interested in her, Demetrius wakes


Demetrius - now treated with the love-at-first-sight potion, sees Helena, and to her delight, declares what seems to be a rekindled passion for his ex.... 



 Now both men start to quarrel over the bewildered Helena...  

 Just as it seems things can't get any more complicated, Hermia turns up. She starts off being mad with Zander, but her attention soon turns to Helena. As the rival boys leave to find a place to settle their differences:

ZANDER: You push me one more time, cuzz, and I swear….

DEMETRIUS: You think you’ll take me, do you? Come on then!                  

Let’s find a spot and settle this like men!

a cat-fight seems certain to break out between the girls...  until Helena decides that discresion is the better part of valour, and runs...


Byron orders Puck to sort out the mess he's created. Then he wants to enjoy the payoff of his revenge on Tanya: 

Take me where Tania and her mule be maulin’

It’s time I nixed that spell so’s she can see

Just what a beasty boy her lover be.

She’s down to be schooled, down to feel some shame

And she will never diss King B. again!


 SCENE TEN

Bad-Ass, fresh from Tanya's bower, is still reeling from his experience, and expresses his feelings in rap. 

Under orders from their queen, Tanya's Faeries appear to entertain Bad-Ass - albeit reluctantly: 

MUSTARDSEED: Can you believe Queen Tania fell for that!

COBWEB: Maybe he has hidden qualities.

MOTH: Well if he has, he’s really hid them well!

COBWEB: Now, back it up ladies – who are we to say

Where our dear queen should choose to lose her heart?

MUSTARDSEED: It’s not her heart she’s losing – it’s her mind! 

Tanya appears. still completely besotted with her new love. She is feeling sleepy and affectionate: 

But now, let your ripe breath sigh me to sleep.
And let these strong arms warm me through the night.
Bad-Ass can't resist sharing a moment of self congratulation with the audience before he lies down and falls asleep holding Tanya in his arms...

  Byron arrives, looking forward to his moment of revenge. But instead of triumph, all he feels is a wave of remorse and regret for how he has let his relationship wit h Tanya deteriorate. Overcome with fond feelings, he orders Puck to return Bad-Ass to his own shape and his own people, while he gently wakes Tanya.

  Byron assures Tanya that he has seen the error of his ways, and promises to change his behaviour and do his bit to make their relationship work. resistant at first, Tanya sees that Byron is sincere, and agrees to give him another chance. As they leave to talk things through, Tanya confides something....

TANIA: You know - I had the strangest dream tonight…

BYRON: No kidding. 

TANYA:                    Word. Now wait till you hear this…


Bad-Ass wakes to find himself alone. He looks for Tanya, but she is nowhere to be found. The whole experience has been so extraordinary that Bad-Ass soon convinces himself that it cannot have been real:

It MUST have been a dream!. Mind, if it was…

Swear down! – it was the best I ever had!

 

 



 

  The other member's of the rapper crew have been feeling guilty for leaving their friend alone: They find him, and apologise. Now they are reunited, they must decide whether or not it is still worth trying to get their "Rappera" together in time for the wedding celebrations...

 

 SCENE TWELVE

Puck has finally cleared up the lover confusion. He has put the two couples - Zander and Hermia, Helena and Demetrius, to sleep in each others' arms, ensuring that they wake and love the right partner. Meanwhile Egeus, distraught at Hermia running away, has had a change of heart, and agrees to accept Zander. The two couples are found, safe, well and happy, and everyone is invited to Theseus and Hip-Hoppolyta's wedding feast, where:

THESUS: There’s food and then _ I’m told
A little play to round the party off.

 SCENE THIRTEEN

At the wedding celebration the guests dance. Invisible to the mortals, the Elves and Faeries join in to celebrate the reconciliation of their King and Queen. Each holding a hand of "Li'l Prinz" Byron and Tanya make public show that they have made up their quarrel. Somehow, though, one suspects it won't be long before another row blows up for this volatile winter / spring couple...

SCENE FOURTEEN

As promised, the entertainers arrive.  The rappers have finally got their act together, and perform their "Rappera" of the tale of the doomed lovers, Pyramus and Thisbe.


Click here for a full transcript of the "Rappera" available free for use in schools and colleges.






Duke Theseus ends the festivities - and the play - with a speech in praise of 

Love, and Unity…. and Peace.


"And that.... is the end of our play"

 

the text of "PCUK - Mid$ummer Night's Remix" is copyright material, and cannot be used without the permission of the author. 

For enquiries into full performing rights or permission to use extracts of "PCUK - A Mid$ummer Night's Remix" please contact robin.kingsland@ymail.com

 PCUK - A Mid$ummer night's Remix - CAST:

The Mortal Court:

Duke Theseus - Vedi Roy

Hip-Hoppolyta - Nicole Cumberbatch

Egeus - Jade Ferriera

"Ciaio!" Editor - Ali Munro

Photographer - Jo Saxon 

Columnist - Oreana Halford

Stylists Aaliyah Mathurin, Jacob Maynard

 The Faerie Court:

King Byron - Jermaine Smith

Queen Tanya - Grace St. Hill

Puck - Baz Bignall

Moth - Lily Tello

Peasblossom - Tamsin O'Garro

Mustardseen - Jazz Andrews

Cobweb - Jade Stanger

plus Eleanor Rattenbury

Li'l Prinz - Ashton Henry

Crew members - William Javier Rodrigues & Members of Cast

The Lovers:

Hermia - Maya Augustin

Zander - Raz Osman

Helena - Georgina Morton

Demetrius - Jordan Coulson

The Rappers:

Bad-Ass - Adi Suissa

Quincey - Burju Senturkler

Dog - Charlie Bates-Parry

Sex-O-Fone - Parys Jordan

Dog - Taylor Thompson


 

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